My favorite movie quote.

"Sometimes when you win, you really lose, and sometimes when you lose, you really win, and sometimes when you win or lose, you actually tie, and sometimes when you tie, you actually win or lose. Winning or losing is all one organic mechanism, from which one extracts what one needs." - White Men Can't Jump


I believe that all the confusion can be removed from this statement if we just remain.

"You can listen to Jimmy, but you can't hear him"

There are a few members of my small group and family who are choosing idols. The most common one they choose is the false deity they look at in the mirror every morning. God has placed a very hard word on my heart for them, but the enemy is doing a good job of continuing to make their own reflection very appealing and distracting.

I am stuggling with a conflict of delivering God's word with His grace or picking up the rock and smacking them on the head with it.

So, how did it go?

Talking, laughing, deep, deeper, understanding, talking, more laughing, thanks, love you, good night.

Who are you?

A few weeks ago, I had the opportunity to counsel someone from the Cornerstone body. They were having some relationship struggles. I asked them if they attend a small group. They said yes. I asked “how has your small group stepped up to help you with this?” The answer disappointed me. The response was, “I could never discuss this stuff with my small group” I asked “why?” The answer was “It is too personal and the reactions it would cause in some of the other people involved would be hard to deal with. Some of it has to deal with relationships within the group and with people at Cornerstone.”

I asked “Isn’t that one of the purposes of small group.” The answer was “I guess.”

I am here to tell you, the answer is not “I guess.” The answer is YES.

We use words like community and fellowship when we talk about our small groups and church family, but what does that mean? I think what it means is pursuing authentic relationships with the people in this life. When you walk in here on a Wednesday night and someone asks you “How are you?” Do you give an honest answer or a guarded one? Do you leave your needs at home or in the car? If so, why?

I grew up going to a church were men dressed in a coat and tie and women in a skirt. It was our “Sunday best.” We put our best image forward, regardless of the struggles that were going on beneath the surface. The question we need to explore is “Do you show up on Sunday’s and Wednesday’s in your “Sunday Best” or are you using those moments as the tool that God has provided to you.” You have an opportunity to step out in faith that God lead you to this place not by accident. He has surrounded you with the people He knew could help to foster your relationship with Him. That is ultimately why we come together - group member disciplining group member - iron sharpening iron -Loving one another as He love as He loves us. These acts of obedience leading us into a deeper intimacy with God.

Scripture instructs us -

Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous man is powerful and effective James 5:16

It also assures us-

“I myself am convinced, my brothers, that you yourselves are full of goodness, complete in knowledge and competent to instruct one another Romans 15:14

To me these words sound like a recipe for small group. Confess your sins – share the real you. Expose the person the that only you and Jesus know, and when one us takes that step of faith the rest of us need to be ready for action. Just as God has timed the baring of that person’s soul, He has put you next to them as part of His plan for both of your lives. He will use it to not only strengthen your testimony, but the testimony of the rest of the group. Equipping us to go out into the world.

I read this about a year ago and it had a major impact on how I view the world-

"Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength; loving someone deeply gives you courage." - Lao Tsu

I think allowing youself you be loved also requires courage.

He is my rock.

Today's fun included -
(Picture me with a smile of contentment as I type this.)

Carrie's surgery
Finding out my mother-in law has breast cancer
Counseling a friend who is suffering from broken relationships.
Talking to Charlie about why it is inappropriate for him to be kissing girls on the neck at 9 years old.

Through it all I could feel the peace, grace and love of the Lord pouring out of my soul.

He even gave me these words of comfort for the end of my day.

Be still, and know that I am God. Psalms 46:10

His response

Kory,

I want to tell you something, that you may not believe. I think of you awhole lot and have always felt close to you as a son and a friend. I don'thave any excuse for not calling you and I have stopped by but at timesnobody is around. I just want you to know that whether I see you or not;you and your family are always in the mind and heart. I don't know what tosay for you to understand this but it is the truth. I have always feltfamily is the only thing that matters. It is always there and if anybodyneeds help, I will always be there and I am always thinking of you. Ireally don't know what to say but I really do love you and am proud of youfor what you are and how you have grown up. Time & work takes so much awayfrom life. Do I wish I had Saturdays to watch yours boys play games - yes;but I don't. I can't change that, it is how I work. I have been working 6+days a week for the past year just to keep my head above water. I don'twant to make any excuses for me. I will try harder. Just don't worry about being angry at me or calling me on fathers day. Iunderstand and will try to work on being a better father and grandfather. See the thing I know and you don't is; I know you love me but your not sureof me and that is the problem with relationship. Well, don't question itanymore. Whether we see each other or not, we are always. If you want to get together some Friday or Saturday evening for dinner andsome drinks, let me know and maybe we can talk this through so you feelbetter. Because the last thing I want to happen is any of my children beingupset at me for the reason you stated. I generally give enough of otherreason.

Love,
Dad

Making things right?

Sent 7/2/07

Dad,

I want to offer an apology for not calling you on Father’s Day. The following may give some explanation as to why.

The day before, I had every intention of calling you. I woke up the day of, and I was severely depressed. I think it was old feelings that I had buried and chose to ignore that finally surfaced. There was no anger attached to how I was feeling, just a deep sadness due to the disconnection I feel is present in our relationship.

I have struggled over the years with these moments.. There is part of me that says just deal with it and move on. The problem is that I have taken that stance too many times. Ultimately, that just leads to more disconnection and more days like I had on Father’s Day.

I realize that there is no way to change the past, but I when think about the current status of our relationship I can’t help but wonder “How did it get to this point?”

What I want to make clear is that I am not looking to place any blame. What I am doing though is extending an invitation to you to be an active part of the life of my family. I miss you Dad. I realize that your schedule is busy. I have a family of my own. I also know that we make choices of who we pursue in relationship during those not so busy moments. What I would like to see from both of us is that we more often choose to pursue each other.

I am not sure if you feel like you would be a bother if you stopped by or called. I don’t want to speculate on your motivation, but I am curious to find out your perspective on the question I raised earlier.

I hope that you receive this message in the spirit it is intended. Not with a tone of accusation, but with a sincere hope of reconnection and reconciliation.

I love you Dad, and miss truly knowing you.

Love ,
Kory