And God replied

Isaiah 41:10

10 Don’t be afraid, for I am with you.
Don’t be discouraged, for I am your God.
I will strengthen you and help you.
I will hold you up with my victorious right hand.

Got anger?

I just found out that Charlie will need to have surgery to remove a growth (bronchial cleft) from his neck. I am having a tough time processing this. I am full of rage and sadness that my child will have to suffer even one moment through this process. Through my confusion, I am praying for healing and comfort.

I just keep singing this song in my head

Breath of Heaven,
Hold me together,
Be forever near me,
Breath of Heaven.

Breath of Heaven,
Lighten my darkness,
Pour over me your holiness,
For you are holy.
Breath of Heaven.

(Mary's Song - Amy Grant)

He gave it a name

God has been telling me for months "be patient." Because he was not really giving any hints, I have struggled with the waiting. I have tried to keep my eyes on him and strapped on my listening ears as He has prepared my heart for what He was about to reveal.

The destination of the journey came into clear sight last night. The pain that I had last week was the extraction of my independent spirit. There is still some work to be done, but with a diagnosis it is easier to understand the treatment plan. The rest of journey could be harder than the process of arriving at this point. The good news is that now I realize where my guide is leading me.

Growing pains

I have spent two hours in the past eight in prayer at Cornerstone. About a third of my time has been spent warring for Lebanon, but a lot of it has focused on individual relationships. I have probably spent more time listening than praying. I actually found myself just pacing the floor last night as God exposed spiritual strongholds in my life. Most of them are in boxes filled with abandonment memories and fears. After my time this morning, I only made it to my car before I could no longer hold back my tears. I cried the whole way home.

Now that the lid is off, God has promised me that if I allow Him to operate he can remove it all.