Got labels?

I don’t remember a lot of stuff, but I can clearly remember how much Charlie loved preschool.  He talked about playing with his friends and their adventures on the playground.  I also remember meeting with his teacher, prior to his “graduation” and listening to her concerns.  She told us that he was a sweet little boy, but seemed to daydream a lot and have trouble sticking with one activity during the day.  Her professional recommendation was to have him evaluated for ADD.  I can still see her face when I looked at her and said, “So they can help us figure out how to stop him from being a normal 4 year old boy?”  After allowing her to offer a reply, we thanked her for all of her efforts as his teacher. 

Charlie started kindergarten, and his new teacher was spectacular.  During conferences, we asked her about his “daydreaming” and shared with her the recommendation we had been given.  Her  response was, “He seems like all the other 5 year boys I've taught over the years.” 

At some point during elementary school, a concern was raised about Charlie’s aggression\anger.  He seemed to get very mad and lash out during competitive or confrontational times and no matter what you did, he just was inconsolable.  Carrie mentioned this to the doctor and it was suggested that we have him evaluated and start seeing therapist.  I told Carrie that I had episodes like that as a child and still had them at times as adult.  Maybe he is just an intense competitor like his dad? 

Fast forward to middle school.  During 7^th grade, Charlie was met with a major challenge both physically and mentally.  His after-school activities involved playing soccer for the school team, as well as for his travel team in addition to homework, studying and playing with friends.  As parents, we were blown away by the intense focus and self-discipline Charlie displayed.  He settled into a schedule that on paper looked exhausting, but he found a rhythm that worked for him, so everything that needed to be done got done.  He even took time to day dream. 

Also, during this time, I stumbled across a pattern in his behavior.  Charlie’s aggression issues were very touch and go with no rhyme or reason.  One game he would be fine, but the next game he would get pulled out to sit down, because he was out of control.  One week, I decided to do a blind study.  I switched the color or the sports drink he took with him to the game. (blue instead of purple)   During the game he was awesome.  The physical level of his play was at a healthy level and his focus and efforts lead to scoring a few goals.  The following week, I allowed him to grab a red sports drink, and the game was an absolute disaster.  He spent some time on the bench lipping off to me and crying after being pulled out of the game for a super aggressive foul from behind.  The following week, back to blue and TADA another great game.  What did we learn kids?  Charlie was having a reaction to the food coloring Red 40.  After digging around Google, I discovered that there are a lot of people who have the same reaction.  He and I have eliminated the chemical from our diets, and our moments of rage have disappeared. Don’t get me wrong, he and I are still an intense competitors, but train wrecks and tears are no longer part of our game.

My motivation for sharing this history is as a parent, I think it is important to trust your gut when it comes to your kids.  I fully believe that God knows that I am going to screw my kids up perfectly for His kingdom.  There are times that outside assistance is needed, because we were not created to be solitary creatures.  We were created from community (The Trinity) to live in community.  Circumstances sometimes dictate that people need therapeutic psychological treatment, medical intervention or learning support to experience relief, healing and growth.  I think it is important for us as parents to know when we have truly reached the end of our personal resources and call in a professional to be a part of our arsenal and support network. I think one of the biggest mistakes we can make as a deeply involved parent is feeling guilt or shame about the situation. This feeling of inadequacy often leads to us accepting the labels the world provides for our children and we in turn place all of our trust in a system that tends to seek treatments, rather than cures.