Who is this guy?

Have you ever stood in front of one of those images that if you unfocus your vision and stare at them long enough something else is supposed appear. Try as I might, I have never been able to make that happen. I have used every technique that people have suggested. It just never happens. After further examination of my eyes, it turns out I have a problem with my vision that does not allow me to see it the way others do.

I have been experiencing some of those similar frustrations in life recently. I find myself trying to figure out "Who am I?" "How did I get to this point?" Staring at my life and trying to see what others tell me is there, but I just can't seem to make it pop in focus.

I have tried various methods to try to make it snap into focus. All my efforts ending in frustration.

I realized that the real problem is not in the fact that I can not see the what the rest of the world sees, but the fact that I care more about fitting in with the vision it finds acceptable for my life rather than accepting who it is the Lord made me to be. Finding contentment because of God's love for me in being a overly curious, highly opinionated, perfectionist who is a easily hurt, rage filled, abandonment fearing, lonely dork.

This of course is why I so desperately pursue a relationship with Jesus. But, I always feel like I fall short, because I try so hard to never disappoint even Him. I know that He loves me even during my failures, but the only parts of me that I can see some days is the ugly picture of me that casual observers would notice at first glance.

Just like those stupid pictures.