My recent journey

For about a month, I have been feeling way unlike myself. I have been searching for an answer. I received nothing, until today.

Up until yesterday, I my level of depression had been increasing to a very scary level. I had not felt that useless since I was 16. I continued to pray and continued to do what was required\expected of me. My situation brought to mind the loaves and fishes story. I was not sure how if I had nothing left I could provide any more.

So what happened yesterday to bring me back from the edge? I fasted. I felt the direction the night before while I was sitting at the Bears game.

I was hungry when I woke up, but prayed and told God that I trusted Him to give me what I needed to be sustained. By lunch time, I had lots of energy, but also had a nagging hunger. I prayed again. This time for healing in me (mental and physical). By 5:00 the licorice I have in my desk drawer was screaming my name. I prayed again. This time for my wife and kids. For their protection and healing.

By the time I got home, I was not hungry any more. I went to soccer practice. Took the kids to K-Mart. Then went home and made supper for everyone. I did not eat any more that normal. My hunger was not that of a starving man. It was actually not present at all. I ate because it was time, not because I needed it.

I woke up this morning, and life seemed easier to live. On my drive to work today, I was asking God "So what was it you were teaching me?" The answer was this, you you remained in Me regardless of your struggle. You continued to do my work, without regard for yourself. Your faith remained strong, even as your body grew weak.

To borrow a phrase from a very smart man, "I was born again, again"